


Fullmetal (Annoyed Grunt) Alchemist

by BloodySimpsonChibi



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, The Simpsons
Genre: Crossover, Dark Comedy, Some Plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-05-17 12:34:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14832353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodySimpsonChibi/pseuds/BloodySimpsonChibi
Summary: While helping his daughter with a school report on alchemy, Homer accidentally preforms forgotten transmutation and opens the gates to Ametris, a land where alchemy not only works but is also commonplace science. Based on Brotherhood.





	1. Homer does a thing

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second story on this site. I hope you enjoy.

Homer was sitting in front of the TV as he always does when Lisa walked inside. Her backpack was overflowing with books, so heavy that she was dragging the bag behind her. As she was walked past the TV, a commercial with Krusty the Clown came on.

"Remember Dad, spend more time with your daughters and buy her the new Krusty's Princess Palace with the all new Princess Itchy and Scratchy."

Homer only heard the first sentence

"Hey Lisa?" He asked. "What are you doing with all those books?"

"I'm doing a school report on the failed science of Alchemy." She chirped.

"C-Can I help?" Homer asked nervously.

"Really? Why would you be interested in a school report?"

"Hey! I can be a good parent every once and awhile." As he said this, Homer failed to notice Bart using Maggie as bait for a stray dog in the front yard.

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"According to this book, Alchemy is a philosophical and protoscientific tradition practiced throughout Europe, Africa and Asia. It aimed to purify, mature, and perfect certain objects.Common aims were chrysopoeia, the transmutation of "base metals" into "noble metals" ; the creation of an elixir of immortality; the creation of panaceas able to cure any disease; and the development of an alkahest, a universal solvent. The perfection of the human body and soul was thought to permit or result from the alchemical magnum opus and, in the Hellenistic and western tradition, the achievement of gnosis. In Europe, the creation of a philosopher's stone was variously connected with all of these projects."

Lisa was reading from the textbook while Homer was browsing through the pictures of a different book.

"Wow. Look at all these circles." Homer whistled as he looked at the transmutation circles. Out of curiosity, Homer took some chalk and began drawing a circle on the garage floor.

"Alchemist would use these transmutation circles to preform alchemy by drawing the circle, clapping their hands together, and pressing them both on the circle." Lisa read.

"Seems easy enough." Homer finished the circle, clapped his hands together, and slapped them on the circle. Nothing happened.

"Lousy alchemist." Homer said. 

"Dad, alchemy wasn't a real science. In real life a transmutation circle doesn't do-

Suddenly, the circle starting glowing.

-anything?"

The ground shook as a giant grey door with strange symbols on it rose from the circle. The door opened and several black tentacles shot out and ensnared Homer.

"Awwwww!"

"Dad!"

Lisa tried to grab her father but on of the tentacles slapped her away into the paint cans. As Lisa got back up, she could watch in horror as the tentacles pulled Homer into the doorway.

"This kind of thing doesn't happen in America! Maybe in Iowa, but not in America!" Homer was pulled into the doorway and it closed.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!" Lisa shouted.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"So let me get this straight, your dad drew a circle in the ground, a big door grew from it and it ate your father?" Chief Wiggum asked.

"More or less." Lisa said nervously. After Homer had been pulled into the doorway, Lisa called for her mother Marge who called the police. Luckily, the door was still there.

"Oh my poor Homie!" Marge cried.

"Don't worry ma'm. The police have got this under control." Wiggum said as he pulled out his gun and pointed it at the door.

"All right Door-ork, cough up the fatty and no one gets hurt."

There was a rumble and the door opened. Wiggum immediately threw his gun to the floor.

"I surrender!"

Homer was shot out like a newborn baby. To everyone's horror, he was missing his left arm but they could tell by his breathing that he was alive.

"Homie!" Marge ran up and hugged Homer. "I'm so glad your're safe!"

"M.............M..............M..Marge?" Homer said, weak from bloodloss.

"I think we need to get him to the hospital." Lisa said.

"Alright!" Marge exclaimed. "Since this will be his tenth visit this month, we'll get his next bypass for free!"


	2. One Bad Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two new chapters for this fic plus one for my Soul Eater crossover. Keep the hits coming!

When Homer woke up, the first thing he saw was his family, their faces brightening up as he began to stir. The second thing he noticed was a box of doughnuts which he engulfed in seconds.

"Homie! You're awake! I'm so happy!" She shouted as she held him close. Wiggum, Dr. Hibbert, and Professor Frink all walked in.

"Homer! I see that your awake." Hibbert chuckled. "Does the stump where your arm used to be hurt at all?"

"What the?" Homer looked at his stump and screamed. "Ahhh! My arm! Oh dammit! That Truth jerk wasn't a dream after all."

"Truth?" Marge asked. "Homer, what are you talking about? What happened in there?"

Everyone gathered around as Homer recalled his time with Truth.

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

After being pulled into the doorway, Homer found himself in a white void. The only other thing in the void with him was another door.

"What the?" He asked. "Where am I?"

"You are everywhere and nowhere at the same time." The outline of a human being formed in front of Homer in a sitting position. It grinned at him.

"What the hell are you?" Homer asked, scared out of his mind.

"I am what you call God or the world or the universe or simply The Truth.

"Wow. Someone's full of themselves." Homer said. "Why the hell am I here anyway?"

"Who preformed alchemy with a forbidden transmutation circle and must now pay the toll but first you'll get the fruits of your sin."

The door opened and black tentacles came for Homer again. He shrieked and tried to run but they caught him and pulled him inside. Homer was shown the whole universe. Life and Death. Time and Space. The very human soul. Unfortunately, he was too stupid to notice and just spent most of the time screaming. The tentacles pulled off his left arm and threw him back to his world.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"Ahh Homie!" Marge kissed her husband's forehead.

"I don't understand." Lisa said. "Why would a God-like being, assuming it is real, take Dad's arm?

"Maybe he needed a snack?" Wiggum suggested.

"No way. Dad's arm has too much fat. The Truth would die of cholesterol poisoning."

"Why you little!" Homer strangled Bart with his remaining hand but the boy slipped away easily, snickering as he ran out of the hospital room.

"Do'h! We've got to get my arm back!" Homer shouted.

"But how Homie?"

"To the garage!" Homer tried to climb out of bed but cried out in pain from his stump.

"I'll get the car started. 

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"So this is it huh?" Edward Elric said.

"It seems so brother." Alphonse Elric agreed. The two brother were sent by Colonel Mustang to investigate a weird portal that opened up in Reole.

"Do you think we'll find a clue to the Philosopher's Stone?" Al asked.

"Only one way to find out." The Elric brothers, unaware of just what they were getting themselves into, went though the portal.


	3. The Elric Brothers

When the Simpsons went back home, the first thing they noticed was the mysterious door still in the garage. Homer, seething with rage, jumped out of the car and ran towards it.

"Homie! No!" Marge pleaded. Homer ignored his wife and grabbed a plunger which he stuck to his stump. "I'm gonna march back in there and beat that Truth jerk with my plunger handle!" Before anyone could say anything, Homer threw himself back into the portal while shouting. The family waited in worry except for Bart who was looking at his watch.

"I hope Homer comes back with his arm and two legs intact." Marge said.

Suddenly, they heard screaming from inside the doorway. Homer was thrown back out, his remaining limbs still intact but now with a black eye.

"Homie!" Marge ran to her husband's side. "What happened to you?"

Two men walked through the doorway. One was short with blonde hair, a red coat and black pants. The other looked to be wearing a suit of armor.

"Aye Caramba!" Bart exclaimed. 

"Brother," The armored man began. "It looks like whoever turned turned that man into a chimera did the same with the rest of his family."

"That sick bastard or bitch." The shorter man said.

"Chime-wha?" Marge was confused. "Who are you people?"

"I'll chimera you!" Homer shouted as he got back up and tackled the shorter man, bringing him to the ground. "Why you little!"

The man punched Homer in the gut so hard he rolled over. "Who are you calling little!" Just as he was about the deliver another punch, his brother puller him away.

"Edward! Calm down! Look at the man's arm!" He said.

Edward looked at the yellow man again and noticed much to his horror that he was missing one of his arms. Edward then turned around and noticed the portal they went through was the same doorway.......He understood what was going on.

"What were you trying to transmute?" He asked solemnly.

"Nothing. I just drew one of those circle thingys and then that door appeared." Homer answered as his family pulled him closer to them. 

"Who are you people and why are you attacking my husband?" Marge asked.

"We're the Elric brothers." Edward said. "I'm Edward Elric and this is my brother Alphonse. We're state alchemist." 

"And we're sorry about your husband Ma'am." Alphonse added. "But in our defense, he attacked first."

"State alchemist?" Homer asked. What state would that be exactly? Utah? Texas? New York?"

The Elric brothers exchanged confused glances and said in sync. "Ametris."

"What the?" Now it was Homer who was confused. "What the hell kind of state is that?"

"Dad." Lisa chimed in. "I think these guys are from another world where alchemy works." 

"Of course alchemy works!" Edward said. "Watch." Edward clapped his hands together and pressed down on the floor. There was a surge of light and and small statue of Lisa formed from the ground. Edward handed the statue to Lisa. "There you go." 

Lisa could only giggle and blush as she took the gift.

"Well, My name is Homer Simpson." Homer explained. "This is my wife Marge, my son Bart, my daughter Lisa, and this little poop machine is Maggie."

"It's nice to meet all of you." Alphonse said. "I'm sorry for any trouble we caused."

"Water under the bridge." Marge said. "How about we get to know each other better over some tea."


	4. Equivalent Exchange

It had been two hours since the Elric brothers arrived and things seemed to have calmed down. While Marge made everyone some tea, Edward explained what state alchemist were and how much alchemy is used in Ametris. Bart kept imagining all the different pranks he could pull with alchemy while Lisa just got lost in Edward's eyes. Homer, however, had a burning question that couldn't wait any longer.

"Yeah alchemy. fun stuff. Listen. You wouldn't by chance know some jerk named Truth would you?" Edward almost choked on the tea biscuits Marge had served him. 

"Brother!" Al shouted.

"I'm alright Al." Edward said then he turned to Homer. "I can answer that question.."

"Whoo-hoo!"

"...with a long and sad story."

"Do'h!".

"Me and Al got into alchemy when we were little kids. Our Dad had left so it was just us and Mom." He began.

"That's so sad." Marge said.

"Not really." Al chimed in. "Mom was really nice and caring. The best Mom we could have asked for."

"That is, of course, until she died."

The whole Simpson family gasped.

"We were devastated. We missed her loving smile. Her warm embrace. We'd do anything to bring her back."

"Why don't you try that alchemy crap? That seems to be working for you." Bart suggested.

"That's exactly what we thought." Al said. "We got the ingredients for a human body, drew a transmutation circle, and with the ingredients as well as some of our blood, we attempted human transmutation.

"Oh boy!" Homer thought. "Only good things could have come from that."

"Well I did see the Truth that day." Edward said. "And he showed me more knowledge than I could have ever wished for."

"Pfft. What a nerd." Homer whispered to Bart. The both of them snickered.

"Than he took my left leg." Edward said coldly. "As well as Al. I transmuted a second time to bring him back but I only got back his soul. I lost my right arm to get him."

"Wait a minute!" Homer shouted. "If that's true, why do you still have all your limbs?"

Edward took off his jacket and showed the family his fullmetal arm.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! CYBORG!" Homer screamed.

Edward lifted up his left pant leg and revealed that it was also metal.

"Ay Caramba!" Bart shouted.

Edward nodded to Al who took off his helmet, revealing nothing inside.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! GHOST KNIGHT!"

"And the creature that was birthed from the transmutation.....let's just say it wasn't Mom." Edward said.

Marge and Lisa were bawling their eyes out. "That's the most saddest story I've ever heard that wasn't about a dog." Marge sobbed.

"Yeah Edward. It sounds like that Truth guy gave you the ultimate screwover."

"Not completely." Edward said. "I'm able to use alchemy without a transmutation circle."

"Awww great!" Homer whined. "I lost my hot dog eating arm and for what? For a stupid portal to a stupid new world."

Lisa thought for a second. "Hey Edward. May I ask were you got your prosthetics?"

"You mean my automail?" Edward asked. "I have a friend you makes them for me. I've known her since childhood."

Lisa cringed at the word "her" but brushed it aside for the time being. "Do you think she could make one for Dad?"

"Well of course." Edward chirped. "She could make one for anybody."

"Ahhhhh!" Alphonse shouted. "I forgot! We need to report back to Central!" 

"Already? Can't Colonel Bastard wait until-" Al grabbed Edward by the arm and rushed back to the doorway.

"We have to report back what we found. But don't worry! We'll come back with Homer's automail!" Al promised. And with that, the Elrics were gone.


	5. Colonel Bastard and his Merry Band of Nitwits (plus two girls)

It had been a week since the Elric brothers left and things had more or less gone back to normal. Without a left arm and without enough money for a prosthetic, Homer was resigned to using the toilet plunger as a temporary replacement. Lisa, although she would never admit it to anyone but herself, had become infatuated with Edward and waited anxiously for his return. She was already at the doorway when Edward came back.

"Hey!" He shouted. Edward was knocked to the floor in a hug attack from Lisa. Alphonse came out of the portal just in time to see it and had a chuckle at Ed's expense. 

"It looks like you have a really big fan in this world." Lisa, not being able to recognize that voice, looked up and saw a man with black hair and a blue military uniform. "Just the thing you need to feel big."

Edward shot up from the ground and snarled at the man. "I'll show you short!" Edward lunged at the man but Al caught him. "Calm down brother."

While to two brother struggled, The man walked up to Lisa. "Judging from your starfish-like hair and yellow skin, you must be the Lisa Simpson Fullmetal told me about."

"Yes.." Lisa said, a little unnerved.

"I'm Roy Mustang." The man introduced himself. "This is my unit." He motioned to the doorway where more people were coming. The first was a short man with black hair and glasses.

"This is Kain Fuery. He's our mechanics and communications specialist." Roy explained.

"How ya doin?" Kain asked.

The next person to come out of the portal was a beautiful woman with short blonde hair and a serious look on her face.

"This is Riza Hawkeye. My adjutant."

Riza looked at Lisa and smiled. "Nice to meet you."

Her smile made Lisa feel a little more at ease. She smiled back.

The next person to come through was a grey-haired man who had his eyes closed for some reason.

"This is Vato Falman. He's our information specialist."

"Hello there!" Vato greeted.

Two other guys fell out of the doorway. One with brown spiky hair and a cigarette in his mouth. The other was a heavyset man with reddish-brown hair.

"These two are Jean Havoc and Heymans Breda. Jean is the officer in charge and and Breda is our investigation specialist.

"It's very nice to meet all of you." Lisa said. "But what are you-"

"WAIT FOR ME!" A girl with blonde hair and a black tank top leaped from the portal. She had a bag of tools in her hand.

"Oh yeah!" Al turned to Lisa. "That's Winry. She's our automail mechanic."

"Great." Lisa said sarcastically.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"I see. So that's how you opened the doorway into our world." Roy said.

Roy and his unit had introduced themselves to the rest of the Simpson family. While Roy and Riza were listening to Homer explain how he created the doorway, Winry was examining his stump. Marge wasn't so comfortable with this pretty alien girl having so much physical contact with her husband but she reminded herself that Homer needed a prosthetic arm and this was all they could afford. Besides, Homer didn't seem to pay her any attention at all.

"Well, it'll be tough." Winry said. "But I'm sure I can make you a automail arm in a month." 

"Whoo Hoo!" Homer shouted. "I'll be able to scratch the left side of my ass again!"

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that." Riza said, her face turning greener by the second. 

"Yes...welll...."cough"......We're here because we want to make sure their wasn't anything dangerous that could come from that portal and harm Amestris." Roy explained. 

"Well I can assure you tha-

There was a loud crash from the garage. Everyone heard it.

"Something came from the portal!" Riza shouted.


	6. Two Uninvited Guest

"It came from the garage!" Marge shouted as Riza cocked her gun. Roy put on his glove, ready to burn any intruders to ashes. Homer, with a serious "Let's do this!" face, stuck the plunger onto his stump. The group rushed to the garage door where sounds of clatter persisted. With a nod to Mustang, Riza kicked the door opened and aimed her gun.

"I told you not to flex in here!" The black-haired man with glasses said. "It's too crowded.

"I'm sorry Hughes." The bulky man with a handlebar mustache said. "The fact that we are in a entirely new dimension made me so excited that I couldn't help myself."

"Hughes? Major Armstrong? What are you doing here?" Roy asked.

"Well when we heard you were following the Elrics to this world, we couldn't just stay behind." Hughes said.

Roy let out a sigh of defeat and turned to Marge and Homer. "This is Maes Hughes. He's a close friend of mine." Roy then gestured to the other man. "And this is-

"MAJOR LOUIS ALEX ARMSTRONG AT YOUR SERVICE!!!" The man shouted as he ripped off his shirt. "ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU THE GREETING TECHNIQUE PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!"

"Armstrong please!" Riza begged. "Your greeting technique might be a little much for them."

"Sorry my bad." Armstrong calmed down and held out his hand in greeting." Nice to meet you."

"I'm Homer Simpson. Welcome to Springfield." Homer grabbed Armstrong's hand to shake but ended up getting his own hand crushed in the process. "Do'h!"

"and I'm Marge Simpson. I assume by your military uniforms, you work for Central too?"

"That's right!" Hughes exclaimed. "It's a though job but it puts food on the table for my wonderful family. You wanna see some pictures of them!?"

"Hughes don't-"

"I'd love too!" Marge shouted with glee. Hughes unraveled dozens of pictures of his wife and daughter as Marge oohed and awwed. There was silence from everyone else in the room for a minute or two. Then Armstrong spoke up. "Where by chance might the Elrics be?"

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"No way! I lost again!" Edward said in dismay. This was the 12th time in a row he lost to Bart in what he called a "video game."

"Face it man!" Bart laughed with glee. "You just suck at gaming."

"Like hell I do!" Edward retorted. "Let me be the mouse this time!"

"No way!" Bart said. "Only I get to be Itchy."

"I'll show you itchy!" Edward transmuted the stuffing out of the couch, causing it to touch Bart's skin and make him break out in a rash."

"Ay Caramba!" He shouted as he ran to the bathroom. Edward snickered as he took Bart's controller and started playing.

"Oh brother." Al said. "You are such a sore loser."

"Shut up!" 

While the brothers argued, Lisa laid on the floor, her gaze never leaving Edward. His golden blonde hair, his slim yet tough physique and what intelligence! 

"Oh Edward. I could listen to you explain Pythagorean Theorem forever." She thought.

"Just then Winry came in with some lemonade. "Here you go Ed!"She said.

"Thanks Winry." He said happily as he slurped the beverage.

Lisa felt rage boil up inside her but she managed to keep it hidden for the time being.

"So there you kids are!" Lisa turned to she her parents and Roy and Riza as well as two new military men. "This is our daughter Lisa. She's very smart!"

"She pretty cute." Hughes said. "But not as cute as my daughter!" He shoved photos in Homer's face relentlessly, some of them going in his mouth.

"Hmmmmmmmmmph!"

"Um, hi." Lisa greeted. 

"Who are the two new losers?" Bart said as he came back.

"I'm Major Louis Alex Armstrong and this is Maes Hughes."

"Whatever. Don't care." Bart took a lemonade and sat on the couch. His mouth gaped when he saw the new high score on screen.

"How the hell did you get 18,000,000 points in two minutes?" 

"I'm that good!" Edward bragged. 

"He used cheat codes." Al said. 

"Al you snitch!"

The two brothers argued again while everyone else laughed.

After things calmed down, an idea was proposed.

"Bart! Lisa! Why don't you take Edward and Alphonse and show them around town?" Marge asked.

"That's a great idea!" Roy shouted. "Fullmetal can write me a report about Springfield while he's out with you."

Edward mumbled something about Roy and mules but stopped when Lisa pulled on his arm.

"Come on Edward! Let's go. It'll be fun!"

Edward's hard frown turned into a soft smile.

"Sure thing." He said as he ruffled Lisa's hair. As the Simpson siblings and the Elric brothers left the house. Marge wondered out loud. "Where's Maggie?"

"She had a full diaper so I had those other guys take her upstairs." Homer explained. Roy and Riza exchanged glances of horror. Suddenly, there were screams from upstairs and all of Roy's men fell down in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.

"So......stinky." Jean said as he faded into unconsciousness.


	7. Around Springfield Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters are going to be shorter then usual because I need to catch up to my quota. This story is getting too many hits! (By the way, thanks for the hits, kudos, and comments.)

The first person the Elric brothers met outside the Simpson house was Ned Flanders who was watering his lawn.

"Hi-diddly-ho Simpsons!" He greeted. "Who are your new friends?"

"This is Edward and Alphonse Elric." Lisa introduced them. "They're alchemist!"

"Alchemist huh?" Ned said in a worried voice. "Well I'll be sure to squeeze those huckleberry sinners into my prayers tonight along with your family, all of Springfield and the U.S Government."

Ed and Al exchanged WTF glances.

"See ya later!" The Elrics were somewhat relieved to get away from that man.

"That's Ned Flanders." Bart explained. "He's our neighbor and he's super religious."

"That explains a lot." Edward said flatly, cringing at the memory of Cornello in Reole.

The next few hours were spent visiting various shops and stores as well as meeting new people, most of whom were unpleasant. Bart dragged the Elrics to the Android's Dungeon to try and trick them into buying him some comic books. Fortunately, Lisa was able to see through Bart's plan and dragged the group to the book store instead. To Bart's horror, The Elrics actually enjoyed being there and reading books with Lisa.

"Those guys are huge nerds!" He thought.

Bart, needing a breath of fresh air, stepped outside the book store. He enjoyed not being near any books or nerds when he heard a voice that made his blood run cold.

"Well if it isn't Fart Simpson!" The voice belonged to Jimbo Jones who was joined by his friends, Dolph and Kearney. "What are you doing by yourself? Being gay?"

"No!" Bart shouted defensibly. This earned him a sharp kick in the groin by Jimbo.

"Are you back sassing me punk? I think it's time someone taught you a lesson." Jimbo lifted Bart up by his shirt and prepared to wail on him. Bart closed his eyes and prepared for a beating. When he fell to the floor instead, he opened his eyes and saw Alphonse holding all three bullies in a bear hug.

"Let us go man!" Jimbo demanded. 

"You want a lesson? How about one in alchemy?" Edward said as he and Lisa walked out the store. "Step one. Comprehension."

Al dropped the bullies on their butts. "I think this sidewalk will do just fine brother." He said as Ed came and stood in between him and the bullies.

"Step two. Deconstruction." 

Edward clapped his hands and slammed them on the sidewalk. Using alchemy to liquefy the sidewalk, Edward trapped the bullies in the newly formed cement.

"Step three. Reconstruction." 

Edward formed the cement into statues of mermaids with the bullies trapped inside, their heads making up the heads of the statues. Bart as well as Lisa and the brothers burst into laughter at the sight.

"Wow!" Bart thought. "Those guys are total badasses!"


	8. Around Springfield Part 2

"So this is a Squishee?" Edward cautiously sipped the frozen drink. 

Yeah man! They're the best!" After defeating the bullies, the group celebrated by going into the Kwik-E-Mart where Bart bought a round of Squishees. Al couldn't drink the Squishee but because Bart was kind enough to buy it for him, he pretended he could, dumping the icy drink into his armor.

"I'm going to regret that later." He thought.

"Wow! This taste great!" Edward shouted. "Maybe I should read the instructions so we can make it at home with alchemy." Edward tried to look at the ingredients label but Lisa stopped him.

"Trust me. You don't wanna know." She said in a serious tone.

"But I-

"Trust me."

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"Thank you! Come again!" Apu called out as the group left the store.

"That was great! Where should we go next?" Edward asked.

"Hmmm......How about......umm.." As Lisa struggled to think of another place to show the Elrics, Bart patted her on the back and pointed across the street were Milhouse, Nelson, Ralph and Martin.

"How about we introduce the Elric to our friends!?" Lisa suggested excitedly. The group crossed the street to were the children were. "Hey guys!"

"Hey Bart!" Milhouse greeted. "We're trying to see how many snails Ralph can stick up his nose."

"I'm at Eleventeen." Ralph said.

"Yeah sure.....Hey! Meet our new friends the Elrics! They're alchemist." Bart bragged.

"Alchemist? That's a bunch of baloney." Nelson said.

Edward got a little offended by that. "Baloney huh? I'll show you what an alchemist can do!" Edward clapped his hands together and slammed them on the ground. Statues of all the kids popped out of the sidewalk, much to their amazement.

"Coool!" Milhouse said. "How did you do that? Did your mom buy you a working magic kit."

"Mom?" Edward said. Lisa worried that Milhouse had brought up unpleasant memories about Edward's mother but Alphonse knew his brother better than that.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY LITTLE TODDLER THAT'S SO SMALL HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT HIS MOMMY'S PERMISSION???" Edward screamed as he launched Milhouse into the sky with his alchemy.

"Run away!" Nelson shouted. "The midget's out of control!"

"But I didn't get any meaningful dialogue." Martin whined.

"Here's your dialogue." Nelson punched Martin in the gut, knocking him out. He than carried both him and Ralph away to safety. Edward tried to chase after them but Alphonse stopped him.

"Let me go. I'll destroy them!" Edward shouted.

"Brother please calm down."

"Freeze Little Red Robbing Hood!" The voice of Chief of Police, Clancy Wiggum said. "Your under arrest for disturbing the peace."

"Aww crap." Edward said.


	9. Around Springfield Part 3

Roy was not at all surprised that Fullmetal had been arrested. He wasn't even surprised that it was because someone called him short. What did surprise was how easy it was to get him out.

"Only $20 bail?" He exclaimed.

"Yeah. It would be $25,000 but that means a lot of paper work and nobody wants that." Wiggum said.

Roy didn't say anything but nodded in agreement, knowing how hard and boring paperwork could be.

Edward was freed and everyone returned to the Simpson house.

"I better have that report at my desk by tomorrow Fullmetal." Roy demanded. Edward groaned but didn't say anything.

"I'll miss you until you come back." Lisa said. Edward smiled and picked her up. "We'll be back as soon as possible."

"Mr. Simpson." Winry approached Homer. "I've taken the measurements of your arm and I can safely say I'll have your automail ready the next time I come here." She said.

"Thanks Winry!" Homer replied gratefully. "Marge, did you here that?"

"I did Homie." Marge said happily. "I did." She hugged her husband with gusto.

"I wish you all the best until we meet again." Armstrong said as he disappeared into the doorway. One by one everyone else followed until only the Simpsons were left in the garage.

"I really hope they come back soon." Lisa said. "Especially Edward."

"Lisa likes Edward. Lisa likes Edward!" Bart chanted. He was rewarded for his song with a punch in the face. 

Two more weeks passed. Homer was really getting the hang of his plunger and even started tying things to the end of it like a cup with a handle for his beer. Lisa, on the other hand found herself constantly checking the doorway to see if Edward would come back, feeling crushing disappointment when he didn't. That was of course until one day when she sneaked into the garage right after school and checked the doorway again. At first there didn't seem to be anybody there and with a heavy heart, Lisa was about to go inside. 

As she opened the door, however, she heard a distant voice that sounded like Edward's.

"He's coming back!" Lisa shouted to herself.

Lisa ran to the front of the portal, ready to tackle Edward in another hug attack when he walked out. She did not expect his broken and bruised body to be thrown out of the doorway and slam against the garage door.

"Edward!!"

Lisa ran up to the injured alchemist. He was still alive but was beaten very badly and his automail arm was almost off.

"Who did this to you?" Lisa said in a mixture of anger and fear.

"What"s this? A little girl with spikes and yellow skin?"

Lisa turned around and saw a brooding man with red eyes and a heavily tattooed arm.

"You must be another chimera created by those accursed alchemist." He said as he cracked his hand. "Don't worry. Your suffering ends here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Sorry about the short chapters. I realized there doesn't need to be a new chapter as soon as there are 10 new hits so for now on I'll think of the hits as slots for new future chapters to work on when I'm ready. I know that will mean waiting until 30 hits to work on my other story but what can you do? That being said, I'll try to post new chapters as much as possible.


	10. Scar

"You must be another chimera created by those accursed alchemist." He said as he cracked his hand. "Don't worry. Your suffering ends here."

The man lunged at Lisa with his right hand but she was grabbed and and thrown towards the door by Edward. Even though his automail was coming apart at the seams, he was still able to use it.

"Get your family and run away!" Edward yelled.

"You will not escape God's judgement." The man shouted as he lunged toward Lisa again. Lisa ran inside the house and slammed the door shut just as Marge was coming in with some laundry. 

"What's wrong Lisa?" She asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Marge got her answer when a giant brown hand evaporated a hole in the door.

"Maaaaaa!"

Marge and Lisa ran to the living room where Bart and Maggie where flinging peas at a sleeping Homer.

"Homer! Wake up! We're under attack!" Marge screamed.

Homer woke up with a start as Marge helped him out of the chair. The Simpson family ran out the front door just as Edward was thrown through the garage door. As the assailant walked out of the garage, the family got a good look at him. He was big, as big as Rainier Wolfcastle. His skin was brown and he had blood red eyes. The most striking feature of this man was the X-shaped scar on his face.

"Who is that guy?" Homer asked.

"I don't know but he's attacking Edward! We have to stop him!" Lisa shouted.

"What!? No one attacks our new pal!" Homer rushed with blind fury at the man as he prepared another blow for Edward. Homer whacked him with his plunger relentlessly which only served to annoy him. The man grabbed Homer by the face and caused blood to flood out of it before throwing Homer's body at his family's feet.

"Homie!" Marge ran to her husband's side. He was still alive but barely and he was bleeding from his face.

"A whole family of chimera?" The man asked as he cracked his hand some more. "I'll send all of you to God."

"Don't touch them!" The man was punched in the face by Alphonse who had come running out of the garage.

"Al!" Bart shouted. The Simpson's hopeful smiles faded when they saw Alphonse was missing half his body. Who ever this guy was, he was strong.

The man knocked Alphonse to the ground but Edward tackled him. The man used his right hand and completely destroyed Edward's automail arm. He then tossed his to the side. Before he could attack the Simpsons, a explosion in the air seared him. Roy Mustang had returned along with his unit and Armstrong, all ready to fight. The man lunged at Roy but was stopped by another explosion which sent him flying into the street . This wouldn't have been so bad if not for the fact that the sewer was open and he fell right in.

"Crap!" Roy shouted.

Armstrong jumped headfirst into the sewer to catch the man while Riza tended to the Simpsons. 

"Are you all right?" She asked.

"Sure Moe. I'd love a beer nut right about now." was the last thing Homer said before he passed out.

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

"He's been dubbed Scar for the X-shaped mark on his face." Roy explained. It had been two hours since "Scar" attacked and everyone was still recovering. Edward's arm and Alphonse's entire left half were gone and would have to be replaced. Homer was still injured but he was awake now.

"I still don't understand." Marge said. "How did that man hurt Homer just by squeezing his face?"

"There are three main steps in alchemy." Armstrong explained. "Comprehension, Deconstruction, and Reconstruction. But this "Scar" only uses the first two, destroying the internal organs of his victims. Luckily, your husband had a thick layer of fat that was destroyed instead.

Bart burst out laughing. "So Homer only survived because he's a fatass! That's rich!"

"Why you little!" Homer started strangling Bart but stopped when he was hit by a shoe thrown by Edward.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A LITTLE BUG THAT CAN'T-

"I DIDN'T MEAN YOU! I MEANT THE BOY-"

Homer and Edward started yelling over each other until Riza shot a hole in the ceiling. That seemed to shut them both up. 

"But why is this man killing state alchemist?" Lisa asked. What did they ever do to him."

"He's an Ishvalan." Armstrong said.

"A what?"

Roy and Armstrong exchanged nervous glances.

"Simpson family." Roy said. "I think it's time we told you about one of our darkest secrets."

"Secrets?" Marge asked. "What secrets?"

"The Ishvalan Civil War."


	11. Blood on their hands.

The mood in Marge's kitchen was somber. Homer was once again asleep on the couch with Ed and Al by his side and Marge had made tea. Roy was the one to begin speaking.

"The Ishvalans are a race of people from our world who have different beliefs and cultures than are own. We lived in uneasy peace with them until 1901 when a Amestrain soldier accidentally killed a Ishvalan child."

The Simpsons gasped in horror.

"It was chaos after that." Roy continued. "Riots and protests turned the whole thing into a full-blown civil war which caused severe casualties to both sides. It was that way for seven long years until...

"Until what?" Lisa asked.

"Order 3066." Armstrong said sadly. "All able-bodied state alchemist were sent to the front lines to act as human weapons.

"No." Marge was horrified at this point. You didn't."

"We did." Riza said. She was looking at the floor, refusing to face Marge. "We were ordered to take innocent lives in order to end a war started by a child's death. We won and most Ishvalans are now refugees hiding in the shadows."

"Ay Caramba!" Bart exclaimed.

There was silence. Lisa couldn't believe what she had just heard. These kind people from another world had really killed innocent people. Tears filled her eyes and she ran to her room weeping.

"Lisa!" Marge tried to call her back but Riza stopped her.

"It's perfectly fine if you see us as monsters now. Riza said, still refusing to see Marge eye-to-eye. "Most people do."

"No." Marge said. "What you've done is terrible but everyone makes mistakes. Granted those mistakes don't normally cost people their lives but..

"It's best that you report Scar to your police as soon as possible." Roy said. "Even though there are no alchemist in your world, Scar could still be dangerous."

"Understood." 

I'll leave Riza with you in case the worst happens and I'll take the Elrics to fix their automail." Roy looked at Riza and she nodded.

Edward, who had been silent all this time got up and approached Marge. 

"Me and Al will be back as soon as possible." He promised. "By now, Winry should have Homer's automail ready. so we'll bring that back as well."

"Thank you." Marge said tearfully.

Roy and Armstrong gathered the Elrics and returned home just as Homer was getting up.

"What'd I miss?" He said wearily.

"ROY AND HIS GANG ARE BADASS KILLERS!" Bart shouted 

"Bart!" Marge snapped. Bart just walked away grumbling.

"I'll tell you later Homie. All you have to know is Riza is staying with us for awhile."

"Riza....Riza....that's the dude with the mustache right?" Homer asked excitedly.

"No!" Riza came to Marge's side as she yelled this.

"D'oh!"


	12. Girl Talk

Riza woke up in the middle of the night and found that she was unable to get back to sleep so she went to the kitchen for a glass of water. After getting the water, she was about to climb back upstairs. when she heard tiny footsteps from the other room. Pulling out her gun, she tip-toed to the garage and saw Lisa sitting next to the portal. Her face was filled with sorrow.

"You're up late." Riza commented.

Lisa noticed her immediately. "Oh. Hello Riza."

Riza sat down next to Lisa and stared at the portal with her.

"It's hard to believe that your father was able to create this huh?" Riza asked.

"Yep but that's his specialty." Lisa answered. "My dad has a knack for doing outrageous things."

The two blondes giggled and then, for a few painful minutes, silence.

"Lisa," Riza began. "I-I hope you don't see me or the others as monsters because of what we did in the past."

"I don't. I mean I do but...I mean I...." Lisa was at a loss for words.

"Can I ask a question?" Lisa managed to blurt out. 

"Sure." Riza replied.

"How do you live with yourself, knowing that you've taken people's lives?" Although she tried to hide it, there was a condemning tone in Lisa's voice. 

"Everyone has there own way. I guess I live with it by convincing myself that I'm a weapon of protection, not destruction. By bearing the heavy burdens of a soldier on myself, I ensure that the people will be safe and happy. Being a soldier means sacrificing everything, even your own happiness, for the good of the people. Me and my comrades lived trough the horrors of war so that hopefully, future generations won't have to."

Lisa couldn't keep the tears from overflowing from her eyes.

"I never thought of it that way." She said tearfully. "I'm sorry you have to bare all that."

" It's okay." Riza assured the young girl."Now let's both get back to bed. It's late."

Lisa nodded and the two got up and parted ways in the hallway. Both Lisa and Riza slept peacefully after that.

.........................................

 

The Springfield Mafia was in their favorite warehouse, preparing the final shipments of their counterfeit Malibu Stacey dolls.

"Hurry up men!" Fat Tony demanded. " We got to get these dolls to the boardwalk by daybreak or the deals off."

"Hey boss!" Louie shouted. "Me and Johnny Tightlips found some homeless guy sleeping in one of the empty crates we need."

"Then take him out and then take. him. out." Fat Tony growled.

Louie and Johnny approached the sleeping mad and started kicking him. He woke up, got on his feet and confronted the two mobsters. 

"Sorry buddy but it's light out for you." Louid sneered as he pulled a gun on him. 

The man grabbed Louie's face and a few seconds later, blood burst out from his eyes, mouth, and nostrils. As Louie fell dead, Johnny as well as Fat Tony stood frozen with fear.

Scar cracked his knuckles and glared at the mobsters. "Who's next!?"


	13. Homer Gets an Upgrade.

"Mafia Massarce!" Kent Brockmen shouted. "This morning police found the pulverized corpses of local mob boss Fat Tony and his cronies. Their heads were-

Homer flipped the TV off. "Nothing but doom and gloom on the news." He groaned.

Meanwhile, Riza and the rest of the family were standing next to the gateway.

"I can't believe you were called back so soon." Marge mused. "Have a safe trip!"

"I will. Thank you." Riza saluted the family and left.

Three weeks passed after that. Although the fear of his return lay in the back of their minds, The Simpsons, for the most part, had managed to put Scar out of their heads.  
After lunch, one weekend day, Ed, Al and Winry came back through the gate. Winry was holding something covered in a cloth. The Simpsons were waiting for them

"Edward!" Lisa wasted no time jumping into Ed's arms.

"Guess you must have missed me huh?" Ed chuckled.

"What's that?" Bart asked, pointing to the object on Winry's person.

"I'm so glad you asked!" Winry shouted excitedly. She pulled the cloth off to reveal a automail arm with four fingers and twice the size of Ed's

"It's Homer's new arm!" Al explained.

The entire Simpson family cheered.

"Whoo-Hoo!" Homer shouted. "At last I shall become whole!"

"Now Homer," Winry began. "I have to warn you. Attaching this automail to your nerves is going to hurt like crazy."

"Aww Don't worry!" Homer retorted. "How bad can it be?"

 

............................................

 

"SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! THIS IS THE WORST PAIN I'VE EVER FELT IN MY LIFE!!!!!"

Marge and the kids could only sit outside the kitchen and listen in horror to Homer's screams of agony.

"My poor Homie." Marge murmured.

"And.........done!" Winry screwed the last bolt in place and wiped the sweat off her forehead. The automail was succesfully attached to Homer's stump.

"Now it's going to hurt for while." Winry warned. "You shouldn't use it to much until your body is used to it."

Homer raised his new arms and opened and closed the hand. "Wow!" Then he did it again. "Cool."

As homer continued to open and close his hand while verbally expressing his awe, Marge came in shook Winry's hand. 

"Thank you so much!" She beamed. "How much will this cost?"

"Here's the bill." Winry handed over Marge a piece of paper which she looked over.

"I don't think that kind of currency exist anymore." She thought to herself.

"This new arm is great." Homer shouted and he wrapped both his arms around Ed and Al. "Let's celebrate with a beer at Moe's.

Before either of the brothers could decline, Homer ushered them out the door.

"Be safe!" Marge called out after them."

"I'm sure their be fine." Winry reassured her yellow companion. "What's the worse that could happen?

................................

The gateway opened once more. Three figures stepped out of it. A woman with voluptuous breast and strapless dress. A fat man who was bald and drooling. and a person of undetermined gender with hair like a palm tree. The three had stepped outside just in time to see Homer walking with the Elrics to the car.

"Bingo." The woman cooed.

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you enjoyed it.


End file.
